Coach Mitchell Smith is full of bright ideas, doubtless learnt at the braai. This week it was that Park should play in flip-flops, which he wore to demonstrate their advantages in mud. Luckily this idea was vetoed by Coach Pete O’Brien, and Park played in boots. The match was played with a bit of a blow from the Crow Lane end – though nothing like the hurricane that Canvey Island served up for us in the autumn, when two cars were blown into the creek. Park, starless and bible black, started off playing into the wind.

The score board was soon moving, when Jamie “the Beast” Harbour was put over in the corner. Canvey’s cause was not helped when they had a player binned for a high tackle. Park took full advantage of the additional player, and both Sam Wakeley and Paul Webb also scored.

So the score was 17-0 after fifteen minutes, and the pattern for the game was set. Canvey are a hard, physical side, but with little variety to their play. Those Park players standing in the 10 and 12 channels will have sore shoulders, as Canvey’s heavy units ran at them, and were brought to ground. Park’s ball carriers were more effective. Both Paul Webb and Ben Wrigg made huge holes in the Canvey line, though it worries me that Ben Wrigg’s hair is now turning grey. Playing for Park has its ups and downs, but I didn’t realise it was that traumatic.

Canvey had a good period for the rest of the first half. They did not score, but kept Park at bay, chipping the ball over the Park backs and making good use of the wind. It was good to see Professor Ryan Blinkhorn back from injury, putting in some useful box kicks against the wind. There was still time for Jack Worthington to crash over to leave the score 22-0 at half time.

Matt Taylor made excellent use of his left boot in the second half, gaining a lot of territory with the wind. It was not long before Seb Fisher crashed over from short range from a penalty. Then Jack Worthington picked up a second try. He took a good ten yard run-up before receiving the ball, and wisely nobody fancied getting in his way.
Canvey were then rewarded for a sustained period of pressure, scoring their only try in the corner.

Park were soon back on the score board, when Sam Wakeley simplified the difficult business of deciding what to do with a five yard penalty by grabbing the ball and running by himself straight at the Canvey posts, and putting the ball down. Park then engineered an overlap, and the backs put the ball swiftly through the hands for Aff Olukoga to cross the line. He rightly turned in to make the kick easier for George, but was confronted by a Canvey defender. You could literally see the thought bubble above Aff’s head: “hang on, better get this down.” So he rolled over and scored.

The scoreline was completed when George Smith sliced open the defence by feinting a pass and stepping inside to bring up a final scoreline of 55-5. Maybe there should have been more. But Park don’t do big scores. Big scores are vulgar, and difficult for the pack to add up.

So let us finish with a trivia question, as a bit of practice for the MIND quiz by kind permission of his Grace the Duke of Shand on 25 March: when was the last time that Park won by fifty points?